Are My Tears Wasted?

Today I am feeling sad and the reasons for this could land me in hot water depending upon the company I am with, so I need to be careful how I express this, although stating it bluntly is really the only thing to do. Here goes...

I am feeling sad because Saddam Hussein is going to be executed for doing what so many despots and dictators have done in the past, will do in the future, and are in the process of doing as I write. It is not a question in my mind of whether he deserves his fate or not and it is not even a case of questioning the decisions of the Iraqi courts or of the families of the victims having a right to the closure such a punishment will bring; the question racing through my mind is, "When will the killing stop?" With Iran rushing to harness the power of nuclear weaponry, most likely so they have the power of Jihad in their hands, and with atrocities being committed afresh every day throughout the world, when will the killing stop?

If we all, as a world and a species, decided to stop killing one another we would have to do so while acknowledging that, yes, some people who deserve to be killed will not be killed, but many more who do not deserve death as a punishment will live at least a while longer. So, it is not a question of just deserts or judgement, but a question of decision and heart - When will the killing stop?

When will we stop slaughtering one another, even wanting to slaughter one another, because we believe different things, want different things? Can we ever stop the hatred without making every human being a duplicate clone of each other? Every group seems to envision Heaven as being a place where everybody believes the same things and worships the same God, but everyones' ideas and beliefs along those lines are different and there is no one definition that suffices for everyone. Perhaps we need to embrace the differences and acknowledge that we really do not know what Heaven is like, we can only guess. It is just as likely that Heaven will be a place of total peace despite vast and varied differences in thought and belief rather than the cloned paradise so many seem to long for and want. There are as many possiblities as there are people to embrace and believe in them. But perhaps that is too frightening or challenging a thought for this humble blog to explore. Asking people if their God is too small can be hazardous to the health of the one doing the asking.

Religion and power are the primary motives for this mass desire to slaughter, tear, rend and amend everyone else's ideas and beliefs. They are powerful emotive factors in personal as well as world circles. By acknowledging this to one another and ourselves are we a step closer to ending the killing or are we merely offering an explanation, a platitude, upon the world stage that we feel justifies our own stand regarding the subject? When will the killing stop?

I do not weep for Saddam Hussein, himself, nor do I approve of the choices he made from his personal store of paranoia and weakness while he was in power in Iraq. I do not question whether his fate is deserved or not. I weep because he will be, in the end, merely one more dead human being, killed for his faults and weaknesses, his beliefs and his wrong actions, and not one of his victims will ever be brought back, not one of his crimes will ever be fully absolved. The families of those he killed will still grieve - that cannot be escaped - and his own family, many of whom may harbor no measure of genuine guilt for the actions of their father, brother, uncle, cousin, son, or even friend, will also grieve. The pain will not end because the world got to see Saddam Hussein face death, it will still be there and will still be as bad.

There is obviously some degree of satisfaction in bloody revenge and his death will pamper that small and pitiful need in those who are determined to follow it through to its grisley end. "Death to Saddam Hussein!" will be seen as a rallying cry for all of those too determined to kill to be dissuaded from their goal and it will also be the impetus and reason for more killings, more grisley crimes people perpetrate against one another, by those who oppose such a fate for him. There will be retributions and more revenge; more slaughter, more death, although Saddam is asking his followers not to seek reprisal at least against the "invaders." Perhaps the diginity he lacked as a world figure will enable him to face his death bravely, if not, hopefully, he will be allowed a few drugs to calm him and get him to the noose without more trauma. I will not be watching, but I will be crying...When will the killing stop? If not with Hussein, then where and with whom?

When will the killing stop?

Nothing Is Set In Cement

It seems to take me such a long time lately to get back to my blog from "life." I have also been going through a brief fit of "writer's block" and have been a little apprehensive about trying to write for the last several days - a result of having written an academic paper (for which I received an "A" I'll have you know) and not being in the more creative mindset I prefer when writing here in my blog. So much has happened and I am not sure where I left off last time, so I will just go ahead and "discuss" things and hope there is not too much repitition.

We found out the week before Thanksgiving that yet another aunt has breast cancer, this time inflammatory breast cancer, which I had never heard of and in which there are no little lumps to clue you in to the problem. She has been quite sick and in a lot of pain from what I am told and we are all hoping she responds well to her treatments - chemo and radiation. If she responds well her doctors believe they can give her another five years, which only seems too short if you have never been threatened in the way our family has, by a genetic factor you can do little about. Because of all of our prior experiences with various forms of cancer, breast and otherwise, we were able to send my aunt a "get well" package of useful things, hand sanitizer and aloe vera gel, as well as various cards meant to make her laugh and keep her mind on living and not dying. We learned all of this following my Dad's bout with breast cancer (yes, men get it too!) and my younger sister's battles with leukemia. Both Dad and my sister are doing well for the moment (fingers crossed, knocking on wood and prayers being sent heavenward as we speak!) as are my other two aunts who have had breast cancer and my cousin who had it and had a massive amount of surgery in order not to get it again. It is that cousin's mother who has the inflammatory breast cancer right now. At least we seem to be taking turns rather than all developing it at the same time, which is really something to be thankful for but also hard to understand until you have been through some of what our family is experiencing right now and anticipating experiencing in the future. I have an appointment soon to discuss surgical alternatives with one of the many physicians I see regularly. I am hoping to take care of things a little at a time without developing any of the potential cancers in the mean time. Joy, joy, joy. :-(!!!

I am not sure what any of my other cousins are doing, at least the ones who know they have the gene, but think I heard that at least one or two others are getting, or looking into, surgery as well. In the interim, life goes on and there is homework to do and Christmas to prepare for along with visiting my grandmother and checking on relatives once in a while. I think we will not be having a too prosperous Christmas celebration this year, but a happy one. We still have my sister, my aunt is hopefully getting a little better, my grandmother is doing well, and I (hopefully) have finished my shopping for the season except for pre-Christmas returns of items not being used for gifts afterall. And I think I mentioned homework somewhere a few lines back.

The weather is grey, grey, grey today and there is no sound from our backyard, most likely due to the falcon in the neighborhood (or maybe a hawk - I get them mixed up) who seems to consider our yard his personal smorgasbord for "bluejay suprise." I hope the raptor in our midst moves on soon as I really miss the bright eyes and loud, raucous squawkings of the local blue jay population. They are such clowns and also one of my favorite birds. All of the foliage - what's left of it - is dulled down for the winter although there is the stark, grey beauty of tree branches against winter skies to look forward to soon - if it snows. There are so many chores we need to tend to before that, and I am still hoping to get some Christmas lights up before things are too frozen to deal with and we are not able to drape the lights without thawing them first. Life in New England is interesting and I do not feel any inclination to seek warmer climes in my advancing middle age - I would miss the variety too much!

Reading and homework beckon so I must sign off. If I do not get back here before then, I hope all who read this have fewer troubles than our clan and also have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season, what ever days they may choose to celebrate.