A New Product On the Market

..."Drain Opener for the Mind!" Imagine, if all it took to open a mind was a little foaming liquid of some sort..."tilt head and pour into ear; results should become visible within one to six hours." I realize there are many more palatable images for the opening of a mind, but this one seems to me to be the most apt. We have all of this stuff in our heads that seems to bog us down, that keeps us from accomplishing the many necessary things that would help all of us most. It is so much like clots of tangled hair, saliva, and other nameless goo that a drain cleaner seems to be what is called for..."sneeze to flush. If initial application does not clear the clog then reapply after waiting twenty-four hours. Applying cleaner too frequently may damage brain cells! Use extreme caution around children and pets. Do not mix with alcohol or any other mind altering substance. Best if left overnight, if possible. If any of the product should get into the eyes, blink rapidly several times to acclimate to your new and unclogged vision. Although this product is intended for use on minds, its judicious use elsewhere may prove effective for short term unclogging of attitudes, conversations, and occasional cases of the milder sort of writers' block. Not to be used to unblock minds prior to tests, particularly at the college level, or to facilitate study. Ineffective when used for unintended purposes. WILL NOT aid in increasing intelligence or mental dexterity for driving tests, civil service exams, bar exams, etc. as these tests require serious study and hard work, which this product cannot effect. If there are any problems with unexpected toxicity, or in case of accidental overdose, please contact the manufacturer at once. In case of overuse or abuse by teenagers trying to get out of doing their homework, parents should be notified immediately."

Hey, it works for me!