Things MUST Be Getting Better!

Wow! Two blog entries in the same month - if I am getting this chatty again I think it's a sign that the healing we so long for following life's tragedies, yet the same healing we often feel guilty for having wished for or noticed, is happening more rapidly as time puts space between the event and the present time. Watch out world! Izzlebug is on her way back.

Despite no current major illnesses, there is always something to worry about or fret over. People who seemed to be doing so well a few weeks or months ago have taken turns for the worse - socially, if not physically - and it is with some trepidation that I look into a future that may hold additional pains than those inherent in anyone's lifetime. That said - no details will be forthcoming as I do not want to embarass any of my loved ones - it is just as vitally important to try to keep a more positive outlook as the days trace inexorably through our lives.

As before I continue to be concerned about my niece and nephew, although the qualities of that concern have changed due to my nephew having reached his majority and my niece's being still too young to make many of her own decisions in life, even though she would already vehemently deny that she is not yet able to do so and her brother's entirely too strong a determination to ruin his life as quickly as possible (hopefully not, but...). Anyone who may have encountered similar circumstances will know what I am referring to, and that is all that needs to be communicated here, really.

To My Nephew

When you were born
And we first gazed into each others' eyes
I saw reflected in yours
A recognition
As you heard each of our voices in turn
Speaking to you for the "first" time

They were already familiar to you
These voices
And you knew us without
Understanding why or how
And we also knew you
Deep in that strange and
Frightening place
In the center of our humanity
Where such knowledge dwells

As my heart and your beautiful eyes spoke to me of you
That first time
They speak to me again
As I watch your stumbling
And often bumbling leaps and steps
Into a rather clumsy manhood

I still want to reach out
To catch you before you bump a knee
Or smack your head on the ground
But you are too big now
And I could not hope catch you even if I got there in time

You are now more than I can manage to protect
In my small ways and
Although my heart may still know you
My head too often gets in the way
Saying things that in retrospect
Will never feel right
And I know I have lost you
Forever somehow

Your eyes were blue and bright
Curious and wise as you discovered me in
The world beyond your Mother's womb
I had a place there