"Be as wary as serpants and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

The above quotation will be explained in a moment, but first I want to both remind and reassure anyone who may be keeping up with my blog that I have not forgotten my project of answering the "presidential" questionnaire. I am working (slowly) on transcribing it into a format that will print properly on my computer, as the copy of th efile I downloaded from the internet refuses to print clearly and I am having to retype the entire thing. As soon as that is complete I will try to begin the process of answering those many questions, albeit with tongue in cheek on some of them - after all, I am not really applying for work with the White House or the incoming presidential administration and the questions are really quite "thorough" in their scope of the lives of the people answering them. That said, on to the above mentioned quote.

In all of the years I spent attending churches, bible studies, etc. I have always wondered a little at the apparant contradiction implied in this useful bit of advice. Perhaps, in part, because of the aversion to formal education certain groups seem to cultivate and, again in part, because the knowledge needed to be as "wary as serpants" seems to negate the ability to also be as "innocent as doves." A conundrum if ever there was one and one not so easily explained away by those apologists more glib than the rest of us or those so certain of the infallability of scripture that they consistantly and persistantly turn a blind eye to the historically provable manipulations of the same by those in power within the church over the ensuing centuries. Scripture may indeed be the word of God, but man has tampered with it, perhaps irrevocably, time and time again. That the truth of what God has tried to communicate in the past may have survived to this day is probably the most miraculous occurrance of all. This is the extent of my deep thought for the day. Please feel free to comment or elaborate upon it as you wish. Conversation and educated argument are always welcome.

Tomorrow is the last weekly session for the grief counseling group, then the group will go to monthly meetings for those who would like to continue with the counseling/sharing. I would like to continue for a while, although the burden of grief has lessened considerably for me over the past few weeks, I feel there are still issues lurking in the background that I will need to deal with as they crop up. It willl be simpler to deal with them if I am still in a group rather than having to try to get back into a group if things build up again. Also, as the group moderator has said, a year really isn't that long a period of time and I still miss Patty terribly in so many ways and still worry about her children, too.

My nephew seems to be doing quite well for the moment, and I will be taking my niece and a friend of hers to see "Bolt" later today. It should be fun and relatively calorie free since finances preclude spending anything on movie theater priced treats for any of us. I will probably treat us to something afterwards though, which should be fun, too.

The holidays are approaching too quickly and, in some ways, feel more like the first ones without Patty than last year when we were all still in shock from losing her to the leukemia. I am hoping to bake about a zillion little tree-shaped cakelettes, which I will then decorate as the fancy moves me, to give to friends and family as gifts for Christmas, and have some small plans for "thank yous" for Ross's niece for hosting us, yet again, for Thanksgiving. I hope everyone enjoys what I am able to manage this year - at least I hope the little cakes will be yummy!

Again, the holidays do not feel quite as bright, quite as cheerful as in past years. Each loss to our family dimms the lights a little more and the celebrations do not carry the same joys and anticipations they used to for me, although the love that wavered on the edge of that horrible emotional abyss of grief has found new footing in new and newly recovered older relationships, made all the stronger by the bonds having been forged during such significant loss to all of us. The love, if not the anticipation, is as bright, but with a different and softer glow. Somehow our grief has softened the edges, made our love warmer and opened our hearts more to one another than before. We are diminished yet, somehow, stronger for having survived, and also more cohesive and less insecure - the worst having already happened.

May your days be merrier, brighter, but also filled with the warmth of love we now share, just without the attendant losses.

Izzlebug