While much of the world, though far from all of it, rejoices at the demise of Osama bin Laden, in my small corner we are, yet again, facing the prospect of more surgery for my significant other, the waning health of my fragile and fading grandmother who, if she makes her next birthday will turn 92, and my hospitalized in ICU brother, who is the most gravely ill of the three.
It is difficult to put into words an adequate description of my brother. So much has been lost to his illness - the budding promise of genius, the powerful intuitive intelligence that made us wonder, the creativity that amazed and amused - and yet, he is still very much "there" in an extreme and strong sense of the word, and still very much my brother. And tonight he is perhaps closer to death than he has been before.
We realized when my mother died of primary pulmonary hypertension - despite having given up smoking more than a decade earlier - that it was likely we would see my brother go in very much the same way. It looks like he has entered that downward spiral from which there is no return. If there is any true justice in this universe, all of those people who worked so hard to get people addicted to smoking so they could make their fortunes will get to spend eternity watching those they love dying, time after time, in the same way my Mom died; which is now the way my brother is dying, too. I can think of no other end that would be suitable for such avarice and poverty of morality and soul.
I love you, little brother. Despite our mature years you will always be that to me. In my heart I will always be your older sister wanting to rescue you from the bullies and that skinned knee I know will hurt so much if I let you fall. Please wake up again and tell me about all of the wonderful books and discoveries you have made in them. Open my eyes to a world I cannot see without your help, your excitement, and your insight. If you leave now I will feel blind for the rest of my life!
Please don't go so soon.
Your loving sister,
Izzlebug
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