An Open Letter to Britney Spears

Since I do not know you at all, I am not certain just how to address this note but I will do the best I can.

Dear Britney (although I wonder if you would not prefer "Ms. Spears"),

Watching your life unfold in vivid color - terminologically as well as photographically - has helped me understand a little more about the life of a celebrity but has also given me more information on that subject than I had ever wished for. It is a horror show.

One thing, though, that has come about is a wish on my part to somehow, if at all possible, help you. I do not know what form such help could possibly take under present circumstances other than this letter, which I did not mail to your hospital or fan site because I knew it was even less likely you would ever see it than if I published it here. The reasons for this are because of the realization that your mail, your calls, in fact everything that would help connect you to reality, as in "the outside world," is being strictly and desperately controlled by those who have a serious financial interest in your continued success, if not as a pop icon then as fodder for the tabloids, and who will go to great lengths to protect their investment. You are, perhaps, one of the most pathetically and cruelly imprisoned people on the face of this earth and all at the hands of your own success and celebrity. I feel as if I could cry for you, yet I also realize the extent of privilege you are able to command and enjoy despite your present problems and difficulties, so the tears do not come quite as readily as, perhaps, they should for one so young and so troubled.

I wondered, before I decided to write this, just what it was someone such as yourself might need to hear; what would mean the most to you right now to know that a complete stranger was wondering or thinking that might actually help you get your thoughts and emotions back under control? You have been cruelly used and abused by the "men" in your life. I have been very fortunate to have never had to face such treatment but then, I think, it may be because I have never really sought out men who would so willingly mistreat another human being to be my partner. If you can manage to get through this truly horrendous time in your life I hope you are able to chalk it up as a very difficult lesson well learned. Whatever your faults and failings, whatever your past or future mistakes, you are as human as the rest of us and, if only on that level, deserve to be loved and to be able to love those who will not want to abuse or use you, although such things sometimes occur even in the best of relationships.

Britney, you have so much to hold on to, so much to be grateful for - you have two beautiful sons! I have not been able to have any children for a variety of reasons, and am now too old to likely produce healthy children or live to see them grow up, and am too selfish in my middle age to want to give life to a child who would have a mother the age a grandmother usually is. You do not have that situation to contend with, you have had your lovely babies while you are young enough to fully enjoy their lives with them. I admit a part of me envies you for that! What handsome little boys, Britney. Hold onto them and the thought of them. Just knowing they live in this world can be such a safety net for you while going through all of this. Try not to worry that you are letting them down right now, you have a long, long time to make it up to them later. Take care of your own needs for the moment and trust your family to love your children as they loved you when you were their age. Your babies will be taken care of during this time - they will be safe - what you need to tend to is your own health and getting your own life back on track - with or without the fame - in order to be all you can be for your sons.

Also, it occurs to me that it may be almost impossible for you to tell just who you can trust right now. Unless there are some very obvious reasons not to trust your doctors, I would advise trusting them. As medical professionals they have a vested interest in seeing you recover and heal. That is their job, so unless one of them splashes your troubles all over some tabloid's front pages, trust them.

Another place you may be able to find some of the love and support you need right now is among those people who were your friends before you became the industry of "Britney Spears." If you were able to trust them before you became famous they would not be such a bad place to start looking for true friends right now. That is, if that is what you want. The same advice holds true for your family. Whether you feel like you can get along with them or not, your family will always be there as your family; dysfunctional, estranged, whatever their faults, they are still and will always be, your family. Turn to them as much as you can, at least they are a known quantity in all of this strangeness you are going through right now.

You also need to learn to live alone, as your own person, before you try to find another companion. For this you have to allow yourself to mature some more. I know it may sound strange but you will still find, if you are honest with yourself, that you are still growing as a person and that you will continue to grow and mature for many years yet to come. I am forty-eight and still learning, still discovering, still changing, still growing as an individual. Nothing will ever convince me that a young woman in her early twenties has finished growing because the growth and maturing never end; it never stops. Remember this and be kind to yourself when you do not live up to your own, or other peoples', expectations. Give yourself some of the same patience and acceptance you give your children by understanding that you are still a work in progress and deserve the same sort of time and patience you give to those you, yourself, love.

Most of all, Britney, do not despair. As hard and horrid as this time is for you now, you can survive, you can heal, you can conquer your demons and win this battle. Give yourself a chance; cry your tears, get angry and then express that anger, take the bastards to court, do whatever it takes, but get yourself well again.

I truly hope your mother is able to be at your side, that your little boys stay well while you are fighting this pain and illness, and that those you have been able to trust in the past - before you were a "pop icon" - come through for you now. If none of that is there for you Britney, know that you have at least one person whose concern is genuine, as far as it is able to be, and that I hope very sincerely that you recover from all of this and triumph.

Izzlebug