What Do I Promise God?

So many times in the past I have read tales of people who have, after having promised God to devote their lives to Him or His works or to accomplish something they have put off for far too long or to do something sufficiently philanthropic as to gain His approval, experienced the answer to their prayers be it some special request granted or some miracle performed either through human agency or in a mysteriously "godly" fashion.

I would really like to believe that some prayer or promise of mine might also garner such a response, especially where it pertains to those I hold very dear. The trouble is not that I do not know what to ask for - right now I want my sister well again and able to go about her life with her children - but what I might possibly be able to guarantee or offer God that might be sufficiently pleasing to the Omnipotence before me to warrant His being willing to grant such a boon. I have been thinking about this a lot and generally consider God's willingness to give me such attentions, as well as the attentions I want for my loved ones, on a par with my chances of winning the state lottery and taking home millions of almost unimaginable dollars.

For me prayer is like a roll of the dice or a spin of the roulette wheel, not always positive and stacked against the pray-er. The pray-ee (God) is the one that holds all the cards and controls the chances, so He is akin to a casino boss in this little fantasy of mine. I do not consider my musings particularly sacrilegious since the apostles played a game of chance when trying to select a replacement for Judas Iscariot after Christ's death and considered it would be the hand of God guiding the end result; nor do I feel any guilt in the purchase of an occasional lottery ticket - I usually buy "quick-pick" tickets in the spirit of "letting God decide," and try to let Him know I have my ticket if He should choose to bless us in such a fashion at the time. I'm not blonde*, after all, and it's good to be prepared ahead of time, if possible.

(* This is a very facetious reference to a very bad "blonde" joke I once heard - and have repeated - but consider it only in fun. Patty, my younger sister, is a blonde and there are very few who can equal her in intelligence, strength and creativity. - I.)

Unfortunately, not everything is as simplistic or innocent as a dollar spent on a lottery ticket, and when you get into trying to express your hopes for those you care deeply for to a seemingly silent entity drifting in the cosmos somewhere you are presently not, it takes on a more threatening feeling, like being caught telling fibs or something equally as embarrassing or humiliating. It seems as if I should be bargaining with God right now for my sister's life but, again, I do not know what to offer in exchange for the miracle of life I long to see my sister receive.

I suppose all a person can do in these circumstances is to let God know they will keep trying - trying to become better people, trying to grow in wisdom and maturity, trying to grow and learn in compassion, kindness, forgiveness, trying to remember the lessons learned from the loved one being prayed for, and so on. I only hope that is enough because that may be all I truly can offer God.

I will keep trying.