What Funny Things Hearts and Minds Can Be

This has been an interesting week, all told, despite several hours of boredom being part of it throughout.

This past Sunday evening, as we were relaxing at the end of a quiet day (of still coughing, etc.) I ended up having a bout of chest pain which I though was likely my stomach until it radiated up both sides of my neck, into my jaw and face, and caused a lot of nausea in addition to the pain. This took place over about half an hour and it was at least an hour before I started to feel better, but the episode did resolve itself so I did not head for the ER or call my doctor until Monday morning, when he told me to go in to the ER to get checked out. Of course by then I was feeling fine, but the episode had frightened me enough that I only protested weakly before I followed his advice and went into the emergency room. Many hours, blood tests, EKGs, blood pressures, and pulses later, I was admitted to the hospital for overnight observation and a chemical stress test the following day (Tuesday). I would not recommend the stress test too lightly as it was not a pleasant experience, but it did give the doctors the information they needed, that whatever had caused the pain was not my heart, and I am now back home, a little worse for the wear, but very relieved. I had no idea that an esophogus could spasm, but that is one of the possible reasons for the pain I had Sunday evening. Now, on to the more important parts of this missive.

My Dad came over to the hospital to be with me while I was having the stress test because even though I am fifty years old I am still a woose and a wimp and wanted him there in case anything was wrong and so forth. After getting back to my room "looking stressed," as my Dad put it, we talked for awhile and then he reminded me of something. It was the eighth anniversary, to the day, of my mother's death and the third anniversary, also to the day, of the day Patty received her leukemia diagnosis. My poor Dad! Sitting waiting to find out if another daughter was in dire straights with all of that on his mind and heart! Fortunately, this time it was better news in that my heart is, apparently, very sound and quite healthy for someone of my age and weight (I assume). So at least there was no horrid news for Dad on this date, yet again. It was so good to have him there with me during all of the stresses of the day. I do not want to think of any time when he might not be there. No matter how old I get I will always want my Dad, especially when things get scary like they were Monday and Tuesday. (In his defense, Ross had to work, with the emphasis placed in the extreme on the phrase "had to.")

It may seem odd that I had to be reminded of the date my Mom died and that it was also the date my sister received what turned out to be her death sentance, but I have had a great deal of trouble over the past several years recalling the month and day of Mom's death, although I remember clearly that it is the same anniversary of Patty's leukemia news. For awhile I had trouble even recalling the year Mom died (2001), though now that is no longer an issue. I think I may be able to retain the month and day from now on, too. I guess, in my heart, it was not the date we had to say "goodbye" that was important to retain in memory, only the "goodbye" itself.

To Mom, After Eight Years

A brief moment, and my heart still beats,
While thoughts of you grow ever gentler
Tracing themselves softly over those sore places
Where once so much agony existed.

A thought, a sigh, a brief regret
That memory is so fickle as to fade over time,
And a slow tear for the memory remaining
Of your face, your voice, your funny manner,
Your smile, your love, your courage and
Your feistiness runs down the course of my
Aging cheek and onto my chin.

How I still love you, Mom,
And miss you.
I will always long for you throughout
The years to come
And hope, endlessly hope,
That at journey's end
You will be there
To help lead me home.