The March of Time and Telling Death to Shove It By Continuing to Live

As may be evident by the title of this posting, we have not yet heard that my aunt has finally passed. My hopes and prayers are that any pain is under control and that her family is dealing as well as can be expected with the time between; this is the most difficult time of all. In other circumstances you often take the attitude that "no news is good news," but in this case no news is simply no news and so we wait and wait some more, knowing that the news, when it comes, will be sad; knowing full well ahead of time what that "news" will be and not really wanting to hear it, yet needing to hear it, if that makes any kind of sense.

On other fronts, there has been a lot for me to deal with emotionally, and the situation with my aunt just makes me a little shakier for everything else. I have been very weepy and hypersensitive and this has made dealing with my significant other's health issues even more trying. I think, for the first time, it has finally hit home that we are both aging and encountering health problems that could eventually lead to our deaths. This is not such an unusual thing for a couple in our age range to encounter, but because of my many health problems both current and past I think that somewhere, in the back of my tiny mind, I had decided I was the one likely to "go" first and therefore had not really faced the issue of losing my sweetheart and having to survive him instead. Hopefully, the problems he is currently having will prove to be very treatable and not too serious, but it is frightening being in the "not knowing" phase of things right now.

Another event coming up for me is a counseling group for people dealing with depression (Now why in the world would I be depressed?) that my psychologist has recommended I try. Since the grief counseling group I took part in was so helpful, I am eager to try this group in the hope that it, too, will prove to be as helpful in teaching me to overcome some of the weaknesses that have left me in this state as well as prone to even harder bouts with depression under more stressful circumstances than this, which our families have definitely encountered in the not too distant past. I will try to keep my postings about the group current so if anyone needs or would like to know how things are working out they can read about it as it takes place for me.

There has also been so much really sad news of late; the earthquakes in Chile, the suicides of two young men from famous families, the abuse of infants by a very young father...the list could go on, but I think the point is made. There is a lot of bad news in this world and much of it, such as the earthquakes and the aftermath, are beyond the power of humanity to prevent or to cause. It makes me wonder why we, as a species, seem so intent upon creating more grief for ourselves and those who love and need us by behaving in such horrid ways and by doing such inexcusably rotten things when there is so much that nature already throws at us. Isn't there enough pain in just having to survive nature's ravages without any of us adding to the overall burden with destructive or self-destructive behaviors, cruelties, indifference, prejudice, hatred? It's something to think about, isn't it?

The week to come is full of appointments and paperwork; sorting and donating. We work at trying to get all of the extraneous stuff out of the house so that we might, finally, be able to fit in some guests on occasion. It also is going to be a week of more waiting, more worries and more tears. I suppose that we all have weeks like this now and then, but hopefully few and far between.

May your week be sunnier, your family healthier, your joints less stiff and your hair less gray than ours. Blessings.

Izzlebug